Debbie's Perspective

Just my thoughts of the day.

The Water and The Fire

on June 5, 2013

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It was midnight, and once again I was awake; crushing fear causing me to gasp for breath.  Was he breathing?  I slowly turned and gently placed my hand on my husband’s back.  The slow rhythmic breathing calmed me just a little.  Now my thoughts raced toward my son in the next room.  I knew logically that he was just fine, but the terror inside me drove me out of my bed and to his room to check once more.

Just days before I had experienced my third miscarriage, and now a gripping fear of losing the two people I loved most in life was closing in on me.   While the other two miscarriages were devastating, this one seemed to knock the wind out of me.  How could this have happened again?

Could I trust God anymore?  That was really the question on my heart.  I had lost my first husband at 20 in a horrible accident, endured years of heart wrenching infertility, and now the loss of three babies.  What would stop life from ripping away everything else I held dear?

I grappled with this question over the next two days until, crumpled on the floor weeping, I realized that the only safe place to be was in the hand of God.  The loss of anyone or anything in this temporal world would forever be out of my control.  I could choose to walk away from God and try to control my life and everything in it to no avail or I could place my life in God’s hands and know that even if I lost everything I hold dear, He would still have me safely in His care.

A peace washed over me like I had never before experienced.  The fear that had held my heart so tightly the past few days lost its grip, and a new-found calm and confidence replaced its choking squeeze.  I wasn’t any safer physically from life’s tragedies than I had been before, but I was spiritually and emotionally safe for eternity.

Isaiah 43:1a-3b

But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

God has been faithful to this promise towards me.  Since those many years ago when I placed my life into the loving hands of Jesus, I’ve walked through waters that did not wash over me and fires that did not burn me.  I’ve lost five more babies to miscarriage since that time; eight in all, said goodbye in this physical realm to my sweet daughter who lost her battle with a muscle disease, and faced some other big life challenges along the way.  Throughout them all I have felt His loving hand comforting me, guiding me, and upholding me.

God doesn’t promise us that He will keep us from the waters and the fire, but He does promise He will walk us through them and keep them from overtaking us and destroying us.  We have to trust that the One who created and formed us is the One who redeems us and calls us His own.  He’s invested in us.

I’ll be honest; it hasn’t been easy staying in His hands. For some reason I keep trying to jump out and keep things safe myself, only to realize that this is futile, and I quickly march myself back into the palm of His hand instead of dangling precariously on the fingertip. It has to be a conscious effort for me. I have to decide to do it daily and sometimes moment by moment, but it is the only safe place to stay when the waters rage and the flames lick at my life threatening to set me ablaze.

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7 responses to “The Water and The Fire

  1. TexasPiglets says:

    A perfect reading for my circumstances of today.

  2. Lynn Cherry says:

    Alright Debbie, climbing back into his palm today. You are always an inspiration

  3. diana157 says:

    Dear Deb, tears all of them are stored in bottles in heaven. I just added a few more to my bottles. What a powerful testimony. Love in Christ. Diana

  4. CL Mareydt says:

    Your words are set with The Holy Spirit … I needed to read your post today … thank you for reminding me that “Scripture” is perfect & we can put our trust in God always …

  5. Lori Blackwell (OBS Leader) says:

    Debbie thank you for opening your heart to us, I agree with you I’m always jumping out, putting my eyes back on myself. xoxo

  6. Katrina says:

    Thank you for sharing your powerful testimony and so openly. God spoke into my struggles through you today.

  7. Bree (OBS Facebook Team Leader) says:

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. This quote spoke to me: “For some reason I keep trying to jump out and keep things safe myself, only to realize that this is futile, and I quickly march myself back into the palm of His hand instead of dangling precariously on the fingertip.” Like you mentioned, this isn’t easy and it’s a conscious effort. I’m so very thankful to have read your entry tonight. Thank you again!

    Blessings,
    Bree, OBS Facebook Leader

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