Debbie's Perspective

Just my thoughts of the day.

I’m Not Supposed To

on November 7, 2014

“I’m not supposed to……,” means my son with autism has done exactly what he is telling me he’s not supposed to do.  What he’s really saying is, “Oops, I’ve messed up again.  Will you forgive me?  Please help me.”

You see, he can’t seem to help himself.  He knows the rules, he can say the rules, he’s a stickler for others following the rules, but in the moment, he breaks the rules.  We have to help him.  We set up boundaries, we put things in place that stop him when he can’t stop himself, and we exact consequences when needed.

The other day when he had come to me for what seemed like the 50th time that day, I exasperatedly called out to the Lord asking why my child can’t obey the rules.  I know he isn’t trying to rebel.  He really does want to be obedient, but once again he isn’t.

Before I could get all of that out, I got a picture of the Lord in my mind with a twinkle in His eye and a chuckle in His response, “Hmmmm, I don’t know, Debbie, why would a child who knows the rule break it?”  Then scriptures about jealously, gossip, and anger danced before me.  “Could it be a desire to please self outweighs the desire to be obedient in that moment?”

Ouch! I had the distinct impression we weren’t talking about my son anymore, but about my “I’m not supposed to’s.”  How many times have I messed up, done exactly what I know I shouldn’t, but in the moment I just can’t seem to help myself.

Maybe my son knows something I don’t.  The minute he realizes he has been disobedient, he doesn’t run away from me, he runs to me; the rule maker, the one who can forgive him and help him find ways to avoid his lack of restraint.

So, I take a cue from my son and turn my heart to the Lord, “Father, I’m not supposed to…., will You forgive me, will you help me?”

Advertisements

3 responses to “I’m Not Supposed To

  1. Oh the questions we ask on behalf of our children only to get reminded, we are children too!! Love your post!!

  2. prince26155 says:

    Yes Debbie, this is me too! Lord, I’m not supposed to get upset at others (my husband’s)failures considering I have way too many of my own faults.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: